Holiday Week Security Fun: From Top T-shirts to Tech Humor

But one of my children said, "Why don't you write something fun for all those people who have to work between now and New Years Eve. How about some computer jokes, funny security stories or a list of your top 5 or 10 geek/nerd or security T-shirts?"

by / December 28, 2011 0

    It’s the week after Christmas, and we finally got (a little) holiday snow in Michigan. My family went sledding this afternoon, and my son got to try out his new snowboard. I’m home with the family now on a Tuesday evening getting ready to play some board games.

   My wife Priscilla asked if I was going to write a security blog this week, and I initially said no – I’m on vacation. But one of my children said, “Why don’t you write something fun for all those people who have to work between now and New Years Eve.”

“Like what?” I responded.

“How about some computer jokes, funny security stories or a list of your top 5 or 10 geek/nerd or security T-shirts?”

“Well …, I guess that could work – for a change of pace – once a year – or once a decade.” Actually, I think a little bit of amusement never hurts - and I thanked my daughter for the fun idea.

   So, by popular family demand, here I go with some end of the year (or early New Year 2012) fun. After I share a few ideas, I’d love to hear about your favorite T-shirt, saying or geek joke. (In case you’re wondering, I do not get any commission if you buy the shirts, so feel free to search the web for the best price or quality if you want to buy any of these.)

My Top 5 Computer or Security T-Shirts   

#5 “Wifi” – Have you ever been wandering the halls of your school, workplace, or just around town and wondered whether you could catch a wireless signal? We all have – but who wants the hassle of pulling out your laptop and booting it up to find out? Enter: the wifi shirt. This t-shirt will literally tell you (by lighting up bars across the chest of the shirt) whether there are any wireless Internet signals close to where you are standing. No laptop or cell phone necessary!”

#4 “Nanotechnology is huge.” (Written in very small print)

“Geeks love irony, and what better way to stitch irony into a T-shirt than to show the words ‘Nanotechnology is huge’ in miniscule letters? Look no further, folks!”

#3 Enough Social Interaction Tee

There are many renditions to this theme, but I like this T-shirt with words like: “You read my T-shirt, that’s enough social interaction for one day.”

#2 “Save the database, Save the World!”

 I was first given one of these shirts at a security conference a few years ago, and my wife and kids love it.   I can’t find them online anywhere, but I still enjoy the message – and you can always make your own. (A picture of a computer or laptop is an optional extra …)

#1 (drumroll please …)

My favorite security techie T-Shirt is still: “On the Internet, no one knows you’re a dog.”

And here’s another five “honorable mention” T-shirts/slogans that you may like:

“Keep Out of Direct Sunlight”

“I (heart-shape in red) My Geek"

No, I will not fix your computer”  

“Eat Sleep Hack” 

“Hack the Planet”

 

Need to Smile?

I came across this “Abbott & Costello Cyber Routine” a few months back, and thought you might enjoy it. If you don’t, any younger kids you know probably will, so pass it along.

Here is a list of funny geek one-liner sayings/jokes that will probably make you laugh. (Yes, they’re clean.) Here’s one: “If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0.”

Dumb Criminals:

I really like these Dumb Criminals (true) stories. They are almost unbelievable – and certainly funny. Here are two from the website:

“A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?”

“A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?”

OK, now it’s your turn. Any funny cybersecurity stories or jokes you can share? Or, what’s your favorite techie T-shirt?

Happy New Year everyone, and thanks for reading in 2011! I’ll be back next week with some 2012 predictions and government technology trends to watch.  

 

Dan Lohrmann Chief Security Officer & Chief Strategist at Security Mentor Inc.

Daniel J. Lohrmann is an internationally recognized cybersecurity leader, technologist, keynote speaker and author.

During his distinguished career, he has served global organizations in the public and private sectors in a variety of executive leadership capacities, receiving numerous national awards including: CSO of the Year, Public Official of the Year and Computerworld Premier 100 IT Leader.
Lohrmann led Michigan government’s cybersecurity and technology infrastructure teams from May 2002 to August 2014, including enterprisewide Chief Security Officer (CSO), Chief Technology Officer (CTO) and Chief Information Security Officer (CISO) roles in Michigan.

He currently serves as the Chief Security Officer (CSO) and Chief Strategist for Security Mentor Inc. He is leading the development and implementation of Security Mentor’s industry-leading cyber training, consulting and workshops for end users, managers and executives in the public and private sectors. He has advised senior leaders at the White House, National Governors Association (NGA), National Association of State CIOs (NASCIO), U.S. Department of Homeland Security (DHS), federal, state and local government agencies, Fortune 500 companies, small businesses and nonprofit institutions.

He has more than 30 years of experience in the computer industry, beginning his career with the National Security Agency. He worked for three years in England as a senior network engineer for Lockheed Martin (formerly Loral Aerospace) and for four years as a technical director for ManTech International in a US/UK military facility.

Lohrmann is the author of two books: Virtual Integrity: Faithfully Navigating the Brave New Web and BYOD for You: The Guide to Bring Your Own Device to Work. He has been a keynote speaker at global security and technology conferences from South Africa to Dubai and from Washington, D.C., to Moscow.

He holds a master's degree in computer science (CS) from Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, and a bachelor's degree in CS from Valparaiso University in Indiana.

Follow Lohrmann on Twitter at: @govcso