In preparing the Zombie Hazard Identification and Vulnerability Assessment (HIVA) it is important to recognize that we really don’t know what exactly causes outbreaks of Zombies. It appears to be somewhat spontaneous and unpredictable. The CDC has studied it at length and they don’t know the cause either. Zombies replicate by biting “normal people” which then after a pretty short incubation period causes the person to die rapidly and then just as quickly to come back to life as a Zombie.
How do you spot a Zombie? This is a critical piece of information because as I’ll describe later you don’t want to be going around shooting people inappropriately. The identification basics are pretty simple:
- Generally unkempt appearance (don’t confuse this with business casual or a Friday Jeans Day)
- Girls with long stringy hair all matted and if you get really close you can see they have split ends. (What I call Julie style hair).
- An ungainly gate about them. Sort of a lurching, walking motion. The good news is they can’t run and even my mother with a walker can put distance between them and her.
- Blood around the mouth and a groaning sound. Unintelligible speech, more of a groaning, moaning sound. You might mistake them for bankers, but that resemblance is coincidental at best.
Eliminating Zombies is fairly easy. You must hit, club or shoot them in the head. Decapitation seems to also work, but it is messy and you have to be pretty close to accomplish the act. Clearly, shooting them in the head is the preferred method for dispatching Zombies to Zombie Hell. I don’t think Zombies go to heaven since they are not human to begin with.
The motto when I was in the Infantry was, “When the going gets tough, the tough go full automatic.” It has a nice ring to it, but really in this case it really doesn’t apply since – you gotta shoot them in the head. Remember that—the head!. The cop method of a “double tap” to the center of mass in the chest is not going to do anything for you other than a mending bill for the holes in the shirt or blouse. The head! Remember that!
Given this situation you need a reliable semi-automatic weapon. Larger size clips are preferred (population density for where you live is an important factor) when it comes to the size of the clip and the amount of ammunition you will need.
I think I’d prefer a bolt action rifle with a scope for some longer range shots, 100 yards and beyond. Closer than that, a 5.56mm M16 style rifle would work nicely. For “close in work” a semi automatic Glock pistol, 9mm or .40 caliber will be superb. Don’t forget a back-up gun for your leg holster for when you get into real trouble. Now some purists are thinking that you might want a .45 caliber pistol or .357 Magnum revolver for a bit more firepower. I’m for giving up a bit of firepower for more accuracy and ammunition capacity. Hey, I think a .22 caliber bullet will do the trick, but …the idea of using my single shot .22 Remington Rife makes me a bit nervous if there would be any more than two Zombies close at hand.
Now for that ammunition question of how much do you stockpile? Anyone who has tried to buy ammunition these days knows that for the last two years it has been in short supply. There are no warehouses full of it anywhere. It comes off the assembly line and is shipped to gun stores and sells out quickly. A “just in time” delivery system if there ever was one. Another example of resiliency being wrung out of our communities. Given this ammo shortage situation and your comfort with risk I would think several thousand rounds would not be inappropriate. We know that three days of ammunition preparedness is not enough given a catastrophic Zombie attack. If you are Mormon and a Zombie preparedness enthusiast I imagine you will have a year’s supply of ammunition in your garage.
My biggest worry would be traveling abroad and being in a densely populated country like China when a Zombie attack breaks out. We can’t manufacture ammunition fast enough to deal with that type of situation. At that point it would be “game over.” Let them bite you. Become a Zombie and join the mayhem. I guess you would call it an “adaptation strategy.”
Like all academic work I’ve included my movie references. Shaun of the Dead is my favorite. Dawn of the Dead has more shooting, and Night of the Living Dead is a classic. Enjoy and become prepared!
References:
Shaun of the Dead
Dawn of the Dead
Night of the Living Dead
